Navigating Mom Guilt and Ambition: The Real Trade-Offs for Women Entrepreneurs

Briana Dai [00:00:00]:

It's interesting you mentioned not necessarily relating to the guilt. And it is a different standard, I think, for women, you know, because Travis will travel for work sometimes, and I asked him once, does anybody ever ask you who's watching your kids while you're out of town?

Sandra Yancey [00:00:14]:

You know, I mean, I think. And I look back at that, and I think of all the times I stressed over, I wasn't there, I missed something. And, you know, in the end, I finally got the piece of advice that I needed. And I would offer this to every working mother out there. And even if you're not. Not a mot, if you just find that your business is eating you up and you just are, like, you know, exhausted, being pulled in a thousand directions, the greatest thing I ever did was,

Briana Dai [00:00:52]:

Well, welcome back to she Means Millions.

Kym Yancey [00:00:56]:

Couldn't wait to see you. So glad you're here. What?

Briana Dai [00:01:01]:

You're funny. Today we're going to talk about what it looks like when you want more. You know, wanting more. There's nothing wrong with it, but no one really prepares you for what more actually asks of you. And there's definitely trade offs that come with ambition, that don't ever get talked about. You don't ever see them get posted about online on social media. So today we want to have a real conversation about the parts of growth that. That feel uncomfortable and the choices that come with wanting more and how we learn to navigate that without feeling the guilt.

Briana Dai [00:01:35]:

So let's dive right into it, shall we?

Kym Yancey [00:01:39]:

Let's go.

Briana Dai [00:01:41]:

Yeah. So you had asked me a question before we started recording.

Kym Yancey [00:01:46]:

Well, I was just curious, you know, just. Do you find yourself feeling guilt, you know, knowing what's ahead sometimes knowing that this is going to pull me from the family or whatever, you know, like before you actually were away or not there.

Briana Dai [00:02:03]:

Yeah.

Kym Yancey [00:02:03]:

Did you feel the guilt just in the contemplation of what's ahead?

Briana Dai [00:02:07]:

No, I do. I find that this might be a toxic trait.

Sandra Yancey [00:02:10]:

Mine.

Briana Dai [00:02:10]:

But I find that I. I do feel guilty when I have to go on work trips. And so I've gotten into the habit of not telling Trav. I just put it on the calendar. And so it's not something I had to actually put voice to, like, hey, I'm going to be. It's just on his calendar. And last night, we came to realize that it wasn't on his calendar that I'm going to be out of town next week. And so he was like.

Briana Dai [00:02:31]:

So I, like, quickly sent him the calendar invite, and then he asked me. I was like, yeah, it's on your calendar. He's like, it's just got on my calendar. But I do. I. It's like. And I. And it's not something that he's inflicted upon me, but it is my own, I think.

Briana Dai [00:02:45]:

Wife guilt, mom. Guilt of just wanting to be present and just knowing what. When one of us is gone, it puts a really heavy lift on the other. It does with two little kids. And so I know it's a big ask when I'm going off to do my thing. And he's never voiced resentment for it, but I feel it. I put it. I'm like, why do we do that to ourselves? But I put it on myself.

Briana Dai [00:03:10]:

And it's hard, but it's necessary. But it's hard, you know? Yeah. How about you?

Kym Yancey [00:03:22]:

I mean, your mother and I talk about sometimes how we don't know how we did it with you and Ryland.

Briana Dai [00:03:29]:

Yeah.

Kym Yancey [00:03:29]:

You know what to say. Because we don't remember it. Somehow we got it to flow. Don't you think? I mean, somehow it just.

Sandra Yancey [00:03:37]:

When I spent the night, you know, at your house and had both kids in the morning all by myself because Travis had to take you to an appointment, you know, and getting them up and getting them ready. And then I'm thinking we're having a casual morning, and only to find out that Tatiana was going somewhere, and I had to have her ready to go out, and I just had her kind of in her PJs, having some, you know, breakfast and all of that. And Bryant was up, and so now I'm trying to, you know, navigate. And I did come home that night and say, I don't know how we did it. I just don't know how we did it.

Briana Dai [00:04:11]:

Yeah, it's a lot. It is a lot.

Sandra Yancey [00:04:15]:

I forgot. I just. I can't remember. But we did. Here you are. I mean. Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:04:20]:

And I turned out fine. Yeah. And I. I certainly don't have any resentment. I feel like you started going on tour when I was in high school, Middle school. High school. So at that point in my life, I had, like, friends and extracurricular activities. So it wasn't as much of like, a, I miss my mom and where's my mom? And you know what I mean? Like, I obviously would miss you, but it wasn't, like, Right.

Briana Dai [00:04:45]:

Traumatizing.

Sandra Yancey [00:04:46]:

Right.

Briana Dai [00:04:47]:

I remember when Tatiana was little. Little, maybe two, and we had the platinum summit, and I would FaceTime the kids or Tatiana and my daughter. At the time, I didn't have both. And I FaceTimed her just to check in. And she saw me, she just started crying, crying for me. And I felt so, so horrible. It, like, like it makes me emotional when I think back to it, you

Sandra Yancey [00:05:17]:

know, But I couldn't reconcile what she was seeing in the phone and not being there.

Briana Dai [00:05:22]:

Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:05:22]:

Not being there.

Briana Dai [00:05:22]:

Yeah. She was just little. And I remember thinking, man, should I not FaceTime her? Is it harder for her to FaceTime her? But I still want to be present with her. So there was this like, tug and this pull and I wanted to be where I was, but I missed her and I wanted to be. And I couldn't be with her and I couldn't do anything to comfort her. And I had to remember, you know, she's with her dad who loves her, who's loving on her. She has everything she needs. You know, she doesn't have me there, but she's in good hands and I'm coming back, you know.

Briana Dai [00:05:57]:

But there is, there's definitely a trade off when it comes to going big and going for your dreams. And if you're a mom, that's definitely one of them. You do have to sacrifice some time with your kids, you know, or even just the moms that, you know, have to send their kids to school early, you know, that wish they could have stayed home with their kids, but they have big dreams, big aspirations, and you can't be a stay at home mom and really build a massive movement at the same time.

Sandra Yancey [00:06:26]:

You can have a small business, but I think really building a movement, something that is, you know, scalable and sustainable, you know, hard to do that, I think, is stay at home really hard. And, and we have to give, we have to give people a break. You know, they have to determine what their priorities are and honor them for their priorities. I will say, you know, I mean, success is hard. It is, it's hard. And I, and I think that anybody that says that it isn't isn't being honest or hasn't built something that has scaled and sustained itself over time. Yeah. You know, and I think in our 26th year, we've earned the right to speak to that.

Sandra Yancey [00:07:05]:

But what I also know is that when you're a small business owner, you really don't have the choice in many ways but to go big. It's why I think 95, 97% of them don't survive even five years. Only 1.7% ever make a million dollars less than I can't remember the percentage, so I don't want to misquote. But it's amazing how staggering it is the amount of small businesses that don't make six figures. And so when you are doing it all, and you're responsible for it all, and you're not only networking and building the relationships and then having the conversations to close the business, and then writing up and sending the contractor the invoice, and then collecting the money and then having to deliver and then having to. I mean, when you're doing everything, it's just. It's exhausting. And so you have to make some choices at some point to say, I'm either gonna just wilt in exhaustion here, or I'm gonna have to go big.

Sandra Yancey [00:08:04]:

And going big takes money to do that. So you've gotta focus on what are the things, ways in which you can build revenue and then set some money aside so that you can invest in getting some people to help you. And it just becomes. You really have to figure out the cadence, which I think most of us, including me, can't do alone. I mean, I've always surrounded myself with multiple mastermind groups and coaches kind of thing. That's why it's so easy for me to stand in my power when I offer mine, because I know what I invest, you know, in doing. But I will tell you, the truth of the matter is, is, you know, if you are, you know, and let me just say I had my own guilt. Even though you were older, just not being there or missing something that wasn't on the calendar, you know, that kind of snuck up on the calendar, but it's on a day that I've already been committed to being out and feeling nauseous about it.

Sandra Yancey [00:08:56]:

But, you know, I'm also a woman that never had a father. Like, you know, I. I have no memory of my father. He died before I. In a car accident, before I ever got a chance to know him. You know, And I'm confused around what I really remember versus the stories I've been told, versus a few of the photos. They didn't have a camera, so I have very few pictures. I think I have, like, three pictures that I can think of right now of my father ever.

Sandra Yancey [00:09:21]:

And so I. You know, what I look back is that, you know, for all the beating up I did on myself for not being there, you know, you developed an incredibly close, amazing relationship, you and Rylan, both with your dad, which is something I didn't have. So in the spirit of me going after what I felt was my calling, you know, I also ended up giving you guys something that I didn't have, because, as Kim would say, When I'm around, I tend to kind of take over. Like, he's like, you got it all covered? And I do. You know, it's what moms do. We got it all, you know, does the. I'm loading up the diaper bag and all the things, all the treats, all the, all the stuff.

Briana Dai [00:09:58]:

Stuff.

Sandra Yancey [00:09:58]:

All the backup clothes, all the, you know, there's a spill or an accident of some sort. All the things. And somehow Kim didn't do that. In here, you are, you know, it's still, you know, I, I, you know, would tell you, bring down your clothes. And I would put their clothes, because they were upstairs and I was downstairs, so I would put their clothes. If you put your clothes in the winter months on the dryer, I would put the clothes in the dryer and then come up and wake you up. And then you would. And then I would turn on the fire, and then you would come down in your PJs, you and Rylan, you know, I'd have a blanket there so that you could sit down, and I'd bring you.

Sandra Yancey [00:10:28]:

And you're sitting in front of a you. Fireplace with warm clothes. You know what I mean? And, and the, what was it? The. What do we call that? The piece of bread that I made. The whole crack, the egg and something in a basket. I think it was the most.

Briana Dai [00:10:42]:

When she was home. She was home, right.

Sandra Yancey [00:10:45]:

I mean, I just did it.

Briana Dai [00:10:46]:

And then she was out of town, and dad would wake us up, and dad waking us up was like, light switch on, come over, pat your head, scruff up your hair. Wake up. It's time to wake up. You know, it's like. It was like, oh, okay, okay. We're totally different. And then breakfast was either oatmeal or

Sandra Yancey [00:11:06]:

cream of wheat, whatever could be made in the microwave.

Briana Dai [00:11:10]:

And I had no. I loved. I love me some cream of wheat and some oatmeal. So it's not. It's not a day.

Kym Yancey [00:11:15]:

How do you make it in the microwave? I actually made it on the stove. I did. Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:11:20]:

Okay.

Briana Dai [00:11:20]:

Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:11:20]:

Yeah. I'm impressed.

Kym Yancey [00:11:22]:

I had a little pot. Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:11:23]:

Yeah, the pot. The one pot.

Briana Dai [00:11:26]:

It was the pot.

Sandra Yancey [00:11:27]:

But the point of the matter is. And I would make dinners. I was so afraid that they weren't going to have, you know, home cooked dinners. So I would literally make dinners like John Marzetti.

Briana Dai [00:11:34]:

Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:11:34]:

And make them and leave them in the refrigerator so that when I was out of town that, you know, with instructions what to do 350, you know, 30 minutes, whatever the case. May be, but, you know, I did.

Briana Dai [00:11:44]:

We. You probably inflicted so much guilt on yourself. We have such great core memories with him, you know?

Sandra Yancey [00:11:54]:

Yeah. I remember Rylan saying, I'm so glad you're home. I said, you miss me? He goes, no, I'm so tired. I said, what are you tired from? He says, because dad said you were coming home tomorrow, so we had to spend all night cleaning, cleaning up. So the house went to, you know, hell during the week. And then, you know, it's so funny.

Briana Dai [00:12:15]:

No, it was like Survivor. But Survivor is a game. It's fun.

Sandra Yancey [00:12:19]:

Do you feel like you're drowning in your business? Like you're doing everything and something has to give, but you're afraid it might be you? What if I told you there's a network of over 500,000 women entrepreneurs all dedicated to supporting each other? A network of women helping women. I'm Sandra Yancey, founder of Ewomenne Network, and I'm inviting you to join us and become a member. Ewomennetwork.com we can't wait to meet you. You know, I mean, I think. And I look back at that, and I think of all the times I stressed over, I wasn't there. I missed something. And, you know, in the end, I finally got the piece of advice that I needed. And I would offer this to everybody, every working mother out there.

Sandra Yancey [00:13:05]:

And even if you're not a mother, if you just find that your business is eating you up and you just are, like, you know, exhausted, being pulled in a thousand directions. The greatest thing I ever did was I sat down with you and Rylan, and I said, what is the most important thing to you that you need from me? And the shocking thing about it was just like with Ryland, it was one thing. It was one thing. And for him, it was, I want you to be in the stands. Cause he was a football player. We're in Dallas. You know, football's a really big deal here. On Friday nights, that was the most important.

Sandra Yancey [00:13:41]:

I moved, you know, heaven and hell, you know, sometimes to get to get to the. And came with my luggage. The whole bit would make Kim bring the cowbell, that he would put, you know, a grocery bag so that it wouldn't ring because he was so embarrassed. And Ryland said he hated the cowbell, but he knew when I rang that cowbell that I was in the audience watch him. I just watched that helmet go up him, stand a little taller, she's here kind of thing. And what I realized I needed to let go of all the Stuff, honestly, that I really didn't like and didn't matter. I mean, Ryland, to this day. He's 30 years old.

Sandra Yancey [00:14:16]:

He's 30, right? Yeah, he's 30 years old. He has no recollection that I was the co chair of the Scholastic Book Fair. And that program was almost my undoing. It was so much work and. And he. Because it was important to him. And here I was, like, knocking myself out, trying to be a great mom, show up, be involved on something my kid has no memory of, but he knows that I was in the stands.

Briana Dai [00:14:44]:

Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:14:44]:

And I think that's. I think what we do is we just take on. We feel like we have to take on everything when really all success in business and in your personal life is focusing on the things that are important and letting all the things that aren't go away.

Briana Dai [00:15:01]:

Yeah. It's interesting. I feel like the. Some of the guilt is from moms, but it For. From. As a mom, for her kids or for her partner. But there's also this level of mom guilt that I experience with other moms and peers. Like the whole scholastic school fair thing.

Briana Dai [00:15:19]:

Scholastic book fair.

Sandra Yancey [00:15:21]:

Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:15:21]:

I imagine was like a pta.

Sandra Yancey [00:15:23]:

Yeah. Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:15:24]:

You know, you volunteer for the pta and if you don't volunteer for the pta, then are you even a present mom? And it's like you. So I would love to be girlfriends with all the moms in my neighborhood, and I have a good little group there that I'm really grateful for, but there are certainly moms that I've met with that I did not click with at all. And it's because they're so wrapped up in the school drama or the neighbor and their horrible decorations and the. And it's like, I just really don't care about any of that. But I crave that community that you could call on if you need to have a mom help you with a kid or things like that. And. And it. And it's hard when you feel this guilt around.

Briana Dai [00:16:06]:

Well, I don't have the time to be volunteering for the PTA and to do all the things. And you just really do have to decide a. I think what's important, like you said, and be okay with. Maybe you're not on the cool moms club.

Sandra Yancey [00:16:21]:

Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:16:22]:

On their little club that you know that.

Sandra Yancey [00:16:25]:

But then you'll find your other club. I mean, Tatiana's gonna tell you. I mean, I remember when you said to me, mom, we need to make new. When you were the captain of the color guard. We need to make new flags. And you know how to sew. I need you to help make flags. Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:16:39]:

And I'm like, how am I gonna make flags? I mean, how am I gonna find the time to make flags? And you know what I just did? Yeah, I just did. If it was important to my kid, it became important to me. And if it wasn't important to you, then I just didn't worry about worrying about people who are committed to misunderstanding me. That's. I mean, people's judgment of me is more of a reflection of what's going on with them than it is what's going on with me. I'm not here to win, you know, a popularity contest with, you know, a bunch of other people. I. You start to really.

Sandra Yancey [00:17:09]:

I mean, I feel like your circle starts to kind of shrink in size, but expand in value.

Kym Yancey [00:17:14]:

Remember how I would tell you back then because I felt that you were putting a lot of pressure on yourself?

Sandra Yancey [00:17:19]:

Yeah.

Kym Yancey [00:17:19]:

You know, I just felt, like, undue pressure. And you may be doing that, I think, too, Brianna. But I would tell you, Sandra, let go of the universe.

Sandra Yancey [00:17:29]:

Yeah. Yeah, I can. I still remember.

Kym Yancey [00:17:31]:

Let go of the universe.

Sandra Yancey [00:17:33]:

I remember being in a city, renting a car, driving, and it's. In the morning. It was. I had an early flight. Had to be.

Briana Dai [00:17:39]:

You were driving.

Sandra Yancey [00:17:39]:

I was dressed. I was.

Briana Dai [00:17:41]:

Another city. I know. Oh, my God.

Sandra Yancey [00:17:43]:

Just very scary thought since I don't drive much. Maybe a thousand. Not even a thousand miles a year do I drive. I don't like to drive. But anyway, I was driving at the time, and I'm. I had an early flight, and I'm landing and I'm driving, and it hit me. Oh, my God. It's red shirt day for Ryland.

Sandra Yancey [00:18:01]:

And I didn't tell Kim, and I called Kim and I said, it's red shirt day. And I know it's on. I know it's on the little calendar, but I didn't remind you, did you put him in a red shirt and Kim said, let it go, Sandra. It'll be fine. We got it covered. And you never answered me, which meant that my kid was the only kid, the only kid, you know, in first grade or whatever it was that didn't have a red shirt on. But you know what? He's turned out fine.

Briana Dai [00:18:30]:

He's turned out fine. I've definitely missed those days.

Sandra Yancey [00:18:33]:

Oh.

Briana Dai [00:18:33]:

Oh, no. We were at a summit, and it was Tatiana's picture day at school.

Sandra Yancey [00:18:38]:

Oh, no.

Briana Dai [00:18:40]:

Yeah. She looked like a raga muffin. Okay. But I just. You just.

Sandra Yancey [00:18:46]:

You do It's a.

Briana Dai [00:18:46]:

It's a trade off. It is the trade off with doing

Kym Yancey [00:18:49]:

big that becomes your interesting, interesting family story. Yeah, this goes into the interesting family story.

Sandra Yancey [00:18:54]:

This is the year I was really kicking off my. My role in eWomenNetwork.

Briana Dai [00:18:58]:

Y. And dad did your hair for Picture day.

Sandra Yancey [00:19:01]:

Exactly.

Briana Dai [00:19:02]:

Sorry, honey.

Sandra Yancey [00:19:03]:

Exactly.

Briana Dai [00:19:04]:

L. It's preschool, not your senior yearbook. Okay. You know, but yeah, it's just. It is. It is. It is an interesting trade off. And on the other side of it, there are trade offs for the business because there are some times that you do have to set firm boundaries.

Briana Dai [00:19:20]:

Like for me, my 5pm to 8:30pm Is this sacred time where I really have communicated. And y' all are super respectful and I'm super grateful for that. That I need to get. I need to leave the office by 5 so that I can be home so that I can be there for dinner. And the bedtime routine is really important to me and I want to be fully present during that time. And so from 5 to 8:30pm There is no work that is getting done by Brianna.

Sandra Yancey [00:19:44]:

It feels like it goes by 30 minutes. And I get to say that since I spend the night at your house every Thursday night.

Briana Dai [00:19:49]:

Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:19:50]:

And I mean, you walk into that door and you hit the ground running. It's just saying hello to everybody. Letting Tatiana talk about the homework, get the dinner going and serve the dinner and then get Bryant down and fed and get him down and get the. And you blink. Yeah, you blink and it's 8:30, 9 o'. Clock. I can't believe it.

Briana Dai [00:20:11]:

I know.

Sandra Yancey [00:20:11]:

I just can't believe it. And so you have to have that time. There's bath times, those rocking times, those, you know, fully attention times. That's really important. And you know that. And I used to do the exact same thing. And then I. Nine o', clock, I would find a different wave of energy or some stuff that I had to get done for the morning sometimes.

Briana Dai [00:20:29]:

Yeah. And I'm grateful that my husband and I are both in similar seasons in our careers where we're both striving for more. Right now we're both in our own internal sprint season because now it's like instead of spending time with him cuddling and watching tv, we have this thing where we both sit on opposite sides of the couch and our feet touch and we can both sit on our laptops and work. You know what I mean? So our. We play footsie while we work on our laptops from like 9 videotape that.

Sandra Yancey [00:20:58]:

Because I come down the stairs after Putting Tatiana down. And come around the corner and there they are, backs on opposite ends of the couch with, you know, facing each other with both of you have your laptops on. Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:21:08]:

And that's just the season, and that's that. That is our quality time right now. And then there will become a season where we need to trade off some of the work and focus on ourselves as a couple. You know, you could never. You. I think that the trade offs shift. They do, you know, by the demand, whatever the highest demand is at the time.

Sandra Yancey [00:21:27]:

And then there'll be a season where the house gets quiet.

Briana Dai [00:21:30]:

Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:21:30]:

But they're gone.

Briana Dai [00:21:31]:

Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:21:32]:

You know, and there'll be a season when you're really glad about that. You can walk around the house naked again, you know?

Briana Dai [00:21:42]:

Oh, God. Oh, God, yes.

Sandra Yancey [00:21:45]:

You know, I always had to worry about Rylan and all his friends when they would spend the night, you know, and I got up in the morning, I missed it when they all left. And then it's fun to have him come back. You know what I mean? To hang out at the house.

Kym Yancey [00:21:56]:

I sure cannot speak for all men by any means, but I don't know many men that you don't feel anywhere near that guilt. Anywhere near it. You know, I'm saying, you know, I know for myself, you know, there are times when something happened that triggered in me a need to do something for you or Ryland, you know, and not out of guilt, but just an awareness that, you know, one of them was, you know, the Six Flags thing.

Sandra Yancey [00:22:28]:

Yeah.

Kym Yancey [00:22:29]:

You know, going to the radio station for the E. Women network show we used to do, and Ryland, as he. You and Ryland would go out there with us and he would. Would see right around from the radio station was Six Flags. And he always wanted to go to Six Flags. And I always, you know, told him, yeah, we'll do it one day. Everything was, we'll do it one day. One day.

Kym Yancey [00:22:48]:

You know, And Sandra didn't say anything to me. I just, on my own, just decided, I'm going to pick him up from school and surprise him and actually take him to Six Flags.

Briana Dai [00:22:59]:

Yeah.

Kym Yancey [00:22:59]:

So that would be, you know, I don't even know. I don't know.

Sandra Yancey [00:23:02]:

I used to pick him up from school. But you would remember the time you picked her up from school and she said, some. Some guy flicked you on the nose.

Briana Dai [00:23:10]:

Oh, yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:23:11]:

And you were like, what? And I mean, you just knew right in that moment.

Kym Yancey [00:23:16]:

Just different things.

Briana Dai [00:23:18]:

Yeah.

Kym Yancey [00:23:18]:

It's like you guys always knew, Right. You know, what parent to talk over this particular circumstance with.

Briana Dai [00:23:25]:

Yeah, for sure. And it's funny because my daughter's only five and I can already tell she's doing the. The same thing. She already knows.

Sandra Yancey [00:23:34]:

Oh.

Briana Dai [00:23:34]:

And she'll. She'll even say to me, d is going to be so mad at me. And I'm like. And she sometimes, you know, well, she's five, so she will have little accidents every now and then, you know, and she knows. She really trying to get her out of that. But I'm, I think, a little bit more patient of a parent when it comes to that. Like, okay, well, let's clean up. Let's change.

Briana Dai [00:23:53]:

Like, you obviously didn't mean it. You know, you know how to not have an accident. So it was obviously just that it was an accident so I don't have to scold her for it. And Travis is a little bit hard. Harder on her because he has to wash her sheets and make her bed. So I think it is a more impact, but just. It's different. But yeah, it's just she knows who to come to when she makes a boo boo like that versus, you know, if she wants a treat, who to ask and, you know, things like that.

Briana Dai [00:24:20]:

And then it just gets as kids get older. Like, I'd never call mom if I had an issue with my car. Like, I'm calling dad. You know, like, you just figure out which parent to go to for what, you know, it is interesting. But yeah, my.

Kym Yancey [00:24:34]:

My favorite, my absolute favorite is to get the call from you. And you called and said, dad, the car, the tire's flat. I said, what? The tire's flat. What do you mean it's flat? And says, dad, I was just driving along and the tire just went flat. Well, you know, where are you? And she was a mile from the house. I said, I'll be right there. I get up there and the road bends and right where it bends, there's a gouge in the tire. You know, there was no.

Kym Yancey [00:25:05]:

It just went flat.

Briana Dai [00:25:07]:

Okay.

Sandra Yancey [00:25:07]:

You hit the curb.

Kym Yancey [00:25:08]:

Yeah. There's a reason why, too. Why'd I share that story?

Sandra Yancey [00:25:12]:

Because she knew who to call.

Kym Yancey [00:25:13]:

Yeah, you knew who to call.

Briana Dai [00:25:15]:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is. It's interesting you mentioned not necessarily relating to the guilt. And it is a different standard, I think, for women, you know, because Travis will travel for work sometimes. And I asked him once, does anybody ever ask you who's watching your kids while you're out of town? Because every time I'm out of town, and it even happens from other women, they don't even realize it's not meant to, I don't think to be like a sexism kind of a thing. It's just innate where they'll just say to you, who's watching the kids while you're here?

Sandra Yancey [00:25:45]:

Yeah, you know, right.

Briana Dai [00:25:47]:

It's like her dad is watching the kids.

Kym Yancey [00:25:51]:

Yeah. I've never been asked that.

Briana Dai [00:25:52]:

You've never been asked that? Every time I travel I've asked that who's got the kids? Like, you know, and so it is, it's just, it's interesting the roles that women play.

Sandra Yancey [00:26:05]:

And how do you miss them? I bet you miss them. I mean, just like the planting of the seeds. Really hard to be away sometimes, isn't it?

Briana Dai [00:26:11]:

Yeah. You're like, yeah, it's horrifying. Yeah, it is, it is, it's interesting. But you know, it is the cost of doing big things and we turn out fine.

Sandra Yancey [00:26:26]:

Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:26:26]:

You know. Yeah.

Kym Yancey [00:26:28]:

What is the lesson? I mean, as you think about it right now, what is the lesson that you would tell, you know, new parents, you know, women in general?

Sandra Yancey [00:26:38]:

I mean, I would say you can't do everything, but you can do everything that's important. And once you decide what's important, both in business, then you start noticing the noise and that. And that noise, you can say, oh, I'm not going to even look. Which becomes the distraction. Right. I mean, it's just, you've got to really just know what's important and you zero in what's important and you let all that other stuff just kind of fall away.

Briana Dai [00:27:03]:

Yeah, yeah. There's only so many hours in a day. So how many hours of that day do you need to sleep to function and to be a happy functioning human? Not just a functioning human, but like a happy functioning, not a tired human.

Sandra Yancey [00:27:16]:

Right.

Briana Dai [00:27:17]:

But a, but a good human. How many hours is that for you? For some people they can function on five, six, some people it's a full eight. So you need to know that for yourself. And then what are you doing with the rest of that time? And knowing that if you have kids that are a priority, a husband that's a priority, girlfriends that are a priority, business that's a priority, then maybe the house doesn't get cleaned, you know what I mean? Like what are those trade offs and being okay with that and knowing that not everything has to get done every single day. I think that's the biggest thing is looking at the plate and making sure it's realistic and not overflowing. Because if you constantly are putting this pressure on yourself to Achieve everything and to get everything done, you're constantly going to feel like you're failing. And that's not a fun place to live in. So knowing what can't happen and if it's time to delegate things, you know, and hand off things so that you can really focus on the things that really matter to you, you have to do that, too.

Briana Dai [00:28:10]:

But the trade off is real because it is impossible to manage a home, manage a family, manage a business, and manage yourself all at once.

Sandra Yancey [00:28:19]:

But it's easier when you start making money.

Briana Dai [00:28:21]:

It is easier.

Sandra Yancey [00:28:22]:

And this is. You know, people get all uncomfortable sometimes when you start talking about money, but the truth of the matter is that's why you got to go big. I feel like there's a myth around the whole fact that, you know, you. You know, if you have. If you stay small, you've got more control. Not true. You stay small, you have the least amount of control, you're making the least amount of money, you have the least amount of resources. If you make a decision to go big, you will have money to now hire people to do the things that you're not good at or you no longer do or not a priority compared to the other things that you have found that are important, that are gonna take your time and energy to be with your family or with yourself or whatever that is.

Sandra Yancey [00:29:01]:

And so I always say, success is hard. Being broke is harder. And living a life that is not in alignment with your calling has just got to be the hardest. So you just have to pick your hard. You know, the hard is on every door, and you just gotta open the door and pick the path that you want. And then once you pick that path, you go for it. You just focus on getting better and better and better and learning how to, you know, make an impact in a bigger way. Money is just a tool.

Sandra Yancey [00:29:31]:

It's not an end game. It's a tool that helps you make a bigger impact, right? Because the more people that you help, the more you'll get paid for that, but the bigger impact that you'll make, right? And then now you've got money to hire other people to help you do your impact in a bigger, better way, right? And so the scalability of the legacy that you're creating comes with your desire, you know, to, you know, fulfill whatever that moonshot is, whatever that dream is, whatever that thing that, you know that you're on the planet to do. And money is just a tool to get you there. And you can use that money to help you do the things that the kids, you know, need done, but that you don't have to do.

Briana Dai [00:30:13]:

And I think that there's things to make life easier. Like I don't step foot inside of a grocery store anymore.

Sandra Yancey [00:30:18]:

I know. You were saying that I love the Kroger app.

Briana Dai [00:30:21]:

You have a Kroger near you? Stacy, our. Our project manager behind the scenes, she put me on the Pro, the Kroger app. So thank you, girl, because that has changed the game. Because I can't tell you how many minutes I've wasted staring at a shelf trying to locate a. A product that's like right in front of me. Like, it takes so much longer to physically park, walk in, walk through.

Sandra Yancey [00:30:43]:

Probably save money that way too, because you're not. I'll do that. Yeah, that looks good for sure.

Briana Dai [00:30:47]:

And so now I just go on the app, I pop in what I need, I put in when I want to pick it up, and then I just drive up and then they put it in my car. I don't have to get out of the car. I don't have to go into the store.

Sandra Yancey [00:30:56]:

You have to get kids out of the car.

Briana Dai [00:30:57]:

I don't have to get kids out of the car. That's a whole other thing that I've done that I've literally said to Tatiana, hey, we're going to run to Kroger. You don't even need to put your shoes on.

Sandra Yancey [00:31:06]:

Right.

Briana Dai [00:31:06]:

Like, we're just gonna go to the pickup. And she loves that. And so she'll get in the car without her shoes on. I can just run in, pick things up. It has changed the game in terms of trade offs of your time. That is such a better use of time than going into these stores. It is a game changer. So there's things that you can do to save you so much time and trade off without having to even spend more money in the meantime.

Briana Dai [00:31:29]:

And then use those minutes to put them towards something that's productive so that you can make more money so that you can afford help. And then someone else is even doing the Kroger pickup run for. I go.

Sandra Yancey [00:31:37]:

There you go. Right.

Briana Dai [00:31:38]:

Take it to the next level, you know.

Kym Yancey [00:31:40]:

Totally.

Sandra Yancey [00:31:41]:

Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:31:42]:

Do you have any time saving hacks?

Sandra Yancey [00:31:45]:

Time saving hacks? I have. I have a husband.

Briana Dai [00:31:51]:

Yes.

Kym Yancey [00:31:51]:

She has a driver.

Sandra Yancey [00:31:53]:

Yeah, I do.

Kym Yancey [00:31:56]:

Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:31:57]:

I shop, you know, online a lot. And then things don't work out. I don't like it. I don't like the style. They don't fit or whatever.

Kym Yancey [00:32:04]:

Andrea says, hey, handyman.

Sandra Yancey [00:32:06]:

I don't to say that.

Kym Yancey [00:32:07]:

And I Think to myself, wait, oh, I'm the handyman.

Sandra Yancey [00:32:11]:

Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:32:11]:

That's not true.

Sandra Yancey [00:32:13]:

But I'll ask him if we can do an errand day. And I love it. He just drives me up and I could go in and return it. And then I'm, I'm, I'm checking out right now. He's right there when I come out. And we're just really efficient and.

Briana Dai [00:32:24]:

Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:32:24]:

You know, I don't know my type.

Kym Yancey [00:32:26]:

The operative word is that she needs a return day.

Briana Dai [00:32:31]:

A return day.

Sandra Yancey [00:32:32]:

Actually, I think that's what I call it. I think I do call it a return day.

Briana Dai [00:32:35]:

You just stack them up so you can make a day out of it.

Sandra Yancey [00:32:37]:

Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:32:38]:

So.

Sandra Yancey [00:32:38]:

Sorry. That's okay. Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:32:41]:

Nice.

Sandra Yancey [00:32:42]:

You know, I mean, we have our, we have our. We divvy things up without really kind of of, when the weather's great, I walk the dog. The weather's not great, he walks the dog.

Briana Dai [00:32:55]:

How does that happen?

Sandra Yancey [00:32:58]:

But I always say to him, I

Kym Yancey [00:32:59]:

had a family meeting with the whole family about the dog situation. This was, this was before Dash, when we had Cinco, which is right over. Did you know he's right over here? No, I didn't. And, and the rule was, okay, if we get this dog, someone, someone else is going to be feeding and walking besides me. You know what I mean? Never happened. Blizzard, snowstorm. Somehow it just worked out that I had to. You know what I mean? You guys were some kind of class or something.

Sandra Yancey [00:33:28]:

Yeah.

Kym Yancey [00:33:29]:

Studying or something.

Sandra Yancey [00:33:30]:

Yeah.

Kym Yancey [00:33:30]:

Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:33:31]:

That's so funny. Now there's so many things, I think, think with the tools that our fingertips

Sandra Yancey [00:33:36]:

now, if you just do a Google

Briana Dai [00:33:37]:

search, there's so many things that save so much time and efficiencies that you don't have to trade off as much. But one of the best exercises that you ever put me through, mom, when I did the SOAR program, was to get a physical, literal plate and to treat that plate like a clock, like a 24 hour clock, and to put in it like a pie chart, like how much time is spent sleeping, how much time is spent doing this, and to just pay attention to how you spend your day. And then from there you can look at, you know, what's not getting done and where your time is really going. Because, I mean, there's trade offs that you could even make, which is spending like maybe one less hour scrolling on social media, you know, and what you could do that's productive in that time. And so it really forced me to pay attention to how I'm spending my time. And to make sure I'm prioritizing accordingly so that I'm really setting myself up for success in terms of reaching my goals. And. And then, you know, the trade off doesn't feel as heavy because you've really looked at your.

Briana Dai [00:34:37]:

Your schedule and you've budgeted accordingly, and you know that in certain seasons, you're going to have more time for family versus not, more time for friends versus not, because that's the season that you're in, and you've prioritized your time accordingly. So the trade off, I think, has gotten easier now, especially being involved in the business for a few years. But once I had my second, it definitely threw me forth through a loop. Like, throwing Bryant into the mix was like another level of, oh, my gosh, I told you.

Sandra Yancey [00:35:05]:

I said one is like nothing and two is like 10, 20.

Briana Dai [00:35:09]:

It's like 20. I don't know how many.

Sandra Yancey [00:35:11]:

He is a good baby, Brianna. He is a good baby. He is.

Briana Dai [00:35:15]:

And now he's sleeping through the night, so that has helped a lot, which is getting back into the routine of spending some time for myself because I'm not exhausted and needing to sleep in. I can set my alarm for five and get up and not be, like, dead. But, yeah, I mean, I think making sure you're really doing an inventory of how you're spending your time and choosing wisely. And that way, the trade off doesn't feel exhausting when you're going for big goals, it feels attainable. And, yeah, you see it.

Kym Yancey [00:35:50]:

Do you? Is there a theme between you and your girlfriends that have babies, too, that you guys are all in the same bag? You know, you have a girlfriend that doesn't have any kids, and then you have other, you know.

Briana Dai [00:36:01]:

Yeah, no, for sure. I mean, we're in totally different places in our life, and I'm. I'm grateful that my girlfriends that don't have kids are emotionally aware enough to know that my life is harder now than before, you know, in terms of just being able to link up and do things. You know, I used to be able to say, hey, you want to grab, you know, brunch this weekend? You know, but now it's like, no, we got to plan that in advance.

Sandra Yancey [00:36:27]:

Remember when Travis was in doing triathlons and.

Briana Dai [00:36:29]:

Yeah, my husband was a triathlon.

Sandra Yancey [00:36:31]:

And you would, you know, when you didn't have kids, he would go and you'd schedule. I got all this time, catch up with my girlfriends or Sunday brunch. We'll do this, we'll do that.

Briana Dai [00:36:39]:

I was the fittest I've ever been. Cuz he was gone training. So I was like, well, I'm going to train in my own way. And so I decided I'm going to do a fitness competition and I could go to the gym and do weights for an hour and then I could go and do cardio for. I could spend two hours in the gym and then I could meet up with, with my friends and I could go into work when I wanted to work because I was working for myself and I could just, you know, structure my life. However, and everything changed once we had Tati and now we have two. And it's a lot more. It is a lot.

Briana Dai [00:37:07]:

It is definitely you. You forget how consuming babies are and then you have another one that also requires your attention. It's like the divided attention is like another level. But I can't remember where I was going with this or why I was talking about it, but. Oh, girlfriends that don't have kids. Yeah, my girlfriends know. So like one of my best friends, Chelsea, she's, I think the biggest blessing in terms of just knowing like she gets it. She just gets it.

Briana Dai [00:37:37]:

She doesn't make me feel bad if we don't see each other for a while. She doesn't make me feel bad if we don't talk for a while. We just pick up where we left off. She's really good about reaching out to me, really good about. About making plans around my availability because she knows I've got two kids and a busy career and a husband, like. And that's my first priority. And that's not to say that I don't love my girlfriends, but they kind of. The girls that are in my circle, they know we all know where we fall in terms of our priorities.

Briana Dai [00:38:03]:

It's like it's God, it's family, right? And then it's my girlfriends and it's. And that is how it should be. And if there's a girlfriend that doesn't understand that and she's probably not made it the long haul and my.

Sandra Yancey [00:38:14]:

In my life, she was a booster.

Briana Dai [00:38:16]:

She was a booster. You know what I mean?

Sandra Yancey [00:38:18]:

She took you so far like the rocket. And then some fall away.

Briana Dai [00:38:22]:

Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:38:23]:

And sometimes those people come back too.

Briana Dai [00:38:25]:

Sometimes they come back. But yeah, I balancing the girlfriends. I would like to spend more time with my girlfriends, but that's just not the season that I'm in. That's my trade off right now, you know, it's my girlfriend time and I'm trying to get better about it, but it is that is probably the biggest struggle in terms of just having that time to just hook up with the girlfriends, have a girls night. Like unless it's a birthday or a special occasion, the girls nights are probably not happening like they used to. And I miss it, but it is what it is.

Sandra Yancey [00:38:53]:

It's the trade off.

Kym Yancey [00:38:54]:

You know, our world changed, you know, when we had you and Ryland. I mean, our world changed.

Briana Dai [00:38:59]:

Yeah.

Kym Yancey [00:39:00]:

Just. Just rearranged our life as it should have.

Sandra Yancey [00:39:03]:

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No regrets.

Kym Yancey [00:39:05]:

No.

Briana Dai [00:39:06]:

Yeah.

Sandra Yancey [00:39:06]:

Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:39:07]:

And the season for the girls will be back one day, you know, and those that are really.

Sandra Yancey [00:39:14]:

Instead of going for brunch, you'll be taking a cruise and hey, let's break away and grab a flight and go here and go there. It's like, it's fun. Every season is great. Every. Every season. Children are great. Every season. I mean, you let go of one thing, there is a little bit of get saying goodbye, but you also can turn around and open your arms and catch your next blessing of the next season.

Kym Yancey [00:39:34]:

But it is really amazing, the torture that we do to ourselves. You know what I mean? Just. Just as you said, you know, when you. When you. You really break it down. When we ask you or Ryland what you remember or what stands out, you know, it's a couple, you know, a couple. I mean, the things that stand out to them also stand out to us. They're fun for us, but they don't remember.

Sandra Yancey [00:39:57]:

Yeah.

Kym Yancey [00:39:57]:

Those times when you're traveling like that or what, you know, they just.

Sandra Yancey [00:40:02]:

Yeah.

Kym Yancey [00:40:02]:

It doesn't stay with. With it.

Sandra Yancey [00:40:04]:

Yeah.

Briana Dai [00:40:04]:

There's definitely no ill will about it. You know, I remember when mom would be on the road, but I had great memories with you as a result of that. But I wouldn't have had otherwise, probably.

Kym Yancey [00:40:12]:

Right.

Briana Dai [00:40:13]:

So it was a trade off. But it was a beautiful trade off that resulted in something amazing. And I think that that's a reality that women need to make space for, is that you might be feeling the trade off in a negative way, but what kind of positive impact might that be having on the other side, you know? And I think having that realization is helpful in terms of coping with going big and not holding yourself back from it because of the guilt that we feel in the trade off.

Sandra Yancey [00:40:41]:

So guilt is self imposed punishment. You know, the future doesn't deserve it.

Briana Dai [00:40:49]:

Amen. Because she does not just need business,

Kym Yancey [00:40:53]:

she needs millions.